Lies We Tell Kids

This essay is very thought-provoking, though for some it could be very controversial. It depends on the lies we've been told that we still believe, I suppose.

I am trying to recall outright lies I was told. I can't think of very many. On many things my parents edited or simply omitted the truth, but as to saying things they knew were contrary to reality ... not so much.

When we were kids my aunt and her kids came to live with us. I didn't know why and quite frankly, at the time I didn't care why. Now I know, but I am well past childhood. I also found out a few years ago that this same aunt put a child up for adoption. Of course I never knew about this, and I would venture neither did her kids (though how that could be kept from them I cannot possibly say). There are probably other things my mother knows and has not said.

This spurs a thought: Is knowing "everything" valuable? Is it necessary? Even as a post-fifty adult, do I benefit from knowing how messy things might have been within my family?

These are just my own wonderments. Your mileage may vary.

A few years ago (well, it was ten years ago) I was dating a woman who was an acknowledged alcoholic. I have had my own experiences with drugs (marijuana, specifically) and we had some discussions about what we would tell kids about drugs and alcohol. First of all, I wouldn't just say "drugs are bad, okay?" because that's trite and does nothing to get at the reasons why. I had a substantial dilemma whether I would even say "don't do drugs" specifically because I know how little chance that instruction has of being followed. What I would say is that if you try drugs and alcohol, here are some of the things that could happen to you. (Of course, we are talking about high school age kids, here.) Drugs are very powerful, and you will discover a desire to do them and do more of them, because they are pleasurable. Not too dissimilar to sex in this regard. Fun, but if you're not careful, possibly very dangerous. (Too bad about sex being dangerous, BTW.)

To some my attitude is naive because I am not a parent. I haven't been indoctrinated into the parents' club. But I know all too well how futile it would be to tell a teenager they shouldn't smoke dope. It's bad, sure, but within certain narrow limits it can be a lot of fun, too. Would I want a child to become a doper and harm his life (perhaps irreparably)? No, but damned if I can think of a way to ward them off without also telling them the truth. I've got plenty of personal experience to relate, but then they would look at me and think "well, he still seems pretty much okay."

I wouldn't lie. Ever. I would try to tell the truth to the extent it would be understood. But of course, exactly how much truth is necessary or desired ... that's a judgment call. We all do our best, I think. It's just some of us are better at it than others.